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[Aug. 8th, 2006|07:55 pm] |
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Well I finally got around to writing another story :D
AkuRoku <3
Don’t Stay
Summary – AkuRoku. [[That means Axel x Roxas]] Axel’s sad and pissed at Roxas. Roxas doesn’t feel.
Warnings – Character death.
Rating – PG-13
Word count – 716 on paper
1,147 on computer
0-0
Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know
Sometimes I need you to go
Axel, number eight of thirteen ‘ special’ nobodies, slammed the door to his room in Castle Oblivion. He used the word special to describe the thirteen members because they were the only nobodies that could remember what is was like to have a heart. He used the word loosely though, because with the memory of having a heart came the memory of feelings they felt when they had said heart.
The superior of Organization Thirteen, Xemnas, constantly reminded them that they didn’t have hearts and thus could not feel. Perhaps he was trying to warn them that even though they didn’t have hearts, they remembered what it was like, and therefore remembered the feelings. Perhaps he was warning them not to remember those feelings so they wouldn’t get confused and become rebellious. Axel, much later, wished he could have taken Xemnas’ warning seriously.
Axel was the only one within the Organization that constantly dwelled on those feelings. He was the only one that used the memory of those feelings to make it seem like he was still human. He wished beyond all wishes that he could feel those simple feelings that he knew he had taken for granted when he still had a heart. Happiness, love, sadness and despair.. He would give almost anything to be able to truly feel those feelings again.
When Roxas was brought to the Organization, Axel’s feelings went on overload. He felt that he could pour all of his feelings into the boy and maybe even create a friendship. A friendship was forged, but only on Axel’s feelings.
Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself
Sometimes I’m in disbelief I don’t know
Somehow I need to be alone
Somewhere along the way, Roxas had changed Axel. Before Roxas came to Castle Oblivion, Axel had been carefree. He used his feelings for joking around. He didn’t feel love for any of the other nobodies. But with Roxas.. He was no longer carefree. All of his actions were arranged around Roxas. He was no longer joking around. He needed Roxas to survive. He even began to feel love for the youngest nobody.
But never had Axel changed Roxas. From the day he arrived to the day he left, Roxas had never shown any feelings toward Axel. Not even friendship. Sure, Roxas had listened to him, and allowed Axel to hold and kiss him. But he never held Axel. He never kissed back. He barely talked to Axel.
Slowly, day by day, Roxas was killing Axel without either of them knowing it. Day by day, Axel poured all of his feelings and emotions into Roxas, silently begging him to notice him, to kiss him back, to feel their bond. Day by day, Axel gave all of himself to Roxas. And day by day, Roxas ignored him; Roxas wouldn’t look him in his eyes.
Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
Just give me myself back and
Don’t stay
Axel was currently curled up on the cold floor, remembering what it was like to cry. He wished he could cry. That’s all he wanted to do. If he had a heart, if it was possible.. Axel would be sobbing his heart out. But no, he couldn’t. All he could do was curl up on the floor, holding himself and listening to Demyx pound on his door, begging to be let in.
Axel was on the floor, wanting to cry, because Roxas had finally left. He had talked about it while Axel held him and they watched the sky turn from dark blue to black in the World That Never Was. Axel hadn’t thought he would actually leave. But Roxas’ leaving shoved another shred of evidence that Axel was the only one who cared.
The topper to Roxas’ leaving was what he had said to Axel. So calmly, Roxas had told him, with the most words he had ever used with Axel, and looking straight into his eyes, that Axel didn’t mean anything to him. They didn’t have hearts, so Roxas couldn’t feel anything for him. And even if he did have a heart, Axel was just too pathetic for him to ever consider caring about.
After Roxas had disappeared down the Street That Never Was, Axel stayed out in the rain for an hour while the place where his heart should have been broke.
Don’t stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
Just give me myself back and
Don’t stay
Axel pulled himself up from his pitiful position on the floor. Perhaps Roxas had been right. Maybe he was too pathetic for anyone to care about. But, wasn’t it all right for Axel to want to have a heart so he could tell Roxas how much he loved him? And not have his confession drowned out by the fact that they couldn’t truly feel?
Axel sighed. There was no point to his non-existent life, really. He walked over to the door and placed his hand and forehead against it. “Bye Demyx.” He whispered, knowing that Demyx couldn’t have possibly heard him.
Axel shakily reached his hand out to his nightstand and opened the drawer, revealing the razor he hadn’t used since Roxas had arrived. Axel smiled shakily. If he had a heart…
I don’t need you anymore
I don’t want to be ignored
I don’t need one more day
Of you wasting me away
Pulling up the sleeves of his cloak, Axel revealed the many scars that covered his pale arms. With a shaky breath, Axel swiped the razor across both of his skinny wrists and watched at the blood flowed out. The crimson liquid was the only thing that truly proved that Axel existed.
Axel felt his legs give way underneath him and collapsed onto the floor. He smiled as his room became cloudy. He could have sworn he heard the popping noise of someone teleporting into his room as his vision faded and his eyes were harder to keep open. He could have sworn, that right before his eyes closed, he saw Roxas running towards him with tears streaming down his face. But it could have been his imagination.
With no apologies
- END -
AN – This didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, when I had it on paper. But on the computer, it turned out a little better;; Song is Don’t Stay by Linkin Park. Reviews? |
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